An Inspiration
As the year draws to a close, alma takes stock of the choices she’s made, and those her friends have made, and asks who it is that inspires her.
Words by alma khasawnih.
I thought it would be difficult to write this month’s column, so I was surprised at how easily the inspiration came: I’d like to talk solely about loving one’s self.
One of the first articles I wrote for JO mentioned this topic, but I hardly think it did justice to such an important issue—so I come back to it now.
As 2009 comes to an end, I find myself wondering how well I’ve treated myself this year. I try to ask the following questions: When was the last time I did something for myself, even though it disappointed someone else? When was the last time I said: “I’m going to do this because it makes me happy”? Or laughed out loud without caring what others would think?
When did I refrain from doing something that I knew would make me uncomfortable—even though others expected it of me? When was the last time I said: “I’m going to stop doing this, because it makes me unhappy”? Or took the day off only because I felt like it or needed time for myself?
When was the last time I splurged on me, and treated myself to something pretty that I didn’t need? When was the last time I did something purely for myself?
The reality is that I’m uncertain I can answer any of these questions without feeling sad for neglecting myself, for not making myself a priority in my own life. Lately, I feel as if I am constantly followed by chores, tasks, friends to see, applications to fill out.
When I think of these questions I realize that the last time I didn’t care what time it was was back in mid-June! I was in Barcelona; I was drinking beer, walking in the street, watching the sky turn from blue to hot orange and the waves of the sea touch the sand. I remember being happy. I think those five days in Barcelona were the last time I felt whole.
As I think of my disconnect with myself, my mind wanders to my friends who took actions that made them happy.
My friend X took a chance with a woman he knew by declaring his deep interest in her, running the risk of being rejected. Now he is in love and she loves him back.
Another friend decided to break up with a man she loved because there was something wrong in their relationship. As the days passed she kept finding herself unhappy, so she decided to put an end to it and move on. I admire these friends for taking the time to learn what they felt and wanted.
But most of all, as this year comes to an end, I am thinking of my friend Hanan, whom I have known since 2004 as a gentle, loving, accommodating woman. She has a child’s heart and a grandmother’s compassion. Hanan’s willingness to learn, to accept and understand others is extraordinary. For years she made sure everyone around her was happy and satisfied. She would, as the saying goes, take the bite out of her mouth to give it to others.
Recently, I find myself not only in awe of Hanan, but also having a sense of pride and admiration that I haven’t felt before. You see, she took a decision that made her happy. It was a decision that did not come easy, nor at a small cost. It changed her life, but only for the better. She decided to marry her soulmate.
I think of her now, and all my friends who understand the importance of loving themselves as a prerequisite for loving others, and for living. They are brave individuals.
Therefore, this end-of-year article is dedicated to you, my dearest friend Hanan. I wish you hope and beauty and love. You are an inspiration and my heroine. Thank you.
Love it? Hate it? Send your thoughts on this column to almakhasawnih[at]gmail[dot]com. The opinions in this piece are the columnistʼs own, and do not represent the views of JO.
